Christopher Marrs on the journey towards self-love, and being their own subject and muse

For the multidisciplinary artist, creative director, and model Christopher Marrs, photography is not only an artistic medium, but a way of processing and expressing the unseen: of balancing and finding lightness with the darkness felt deep inside.

“Since I discovered them, creativity and photography have always been my way to connect with people,” says Marrs. That can act as an ice breaker and invitation to meet someone new, or to communicate that which can feel like a struggle to put into words. “I have always just been a vessel,” they say. “I feel something, I pull it out of the ether, find a way to effectively and authentically, visually communicate it, and then put it back out.”

Discovering photography

Marrs’ journey to self-acceptance has been long — and it is constantly evolving and continuing. Growing up as an only child with a mixed-race background in a small suburb of Chicago, Illinois, Marrs felt that being different wasn’t always easy. “It was a predominantly white community, and I was one of the only people of color in my neighborhood growing up,” they recall, which fostered a sense of isolation that pushed them inward, and intensified as they came into their own non-binary identity.

Creativity was a balm for growing pains and feelings of isolation, and Marrs took to expressing their rich interior life through art at a young age: “Whether it was writing short stories, playing with action figures or Barbie dolls or drawing. I was very attached to sketching and making art.” Feeling like an outsider often meant “I always found myself being the observer,” they say, a quality that lent to a honed a precise eye for atmosphere, mood, and detail: In short, their superpowers.

When Marrs later discovered photography in high school, they felt themself — and their artistic journey — come into clear focus and transform that pain into a sense of oneness and belonging.

Finding a new lens

Marrs’ interest in digital photography was sparked by the work of high school classmates who proudly shared images they had taken for art class in school hallways. “I started messing around in Adobe Photoshop, just taking different photos and making collages on my own,” says Marrs, who picked up tools and techniques from YouTube tutorials. During their first year at college, Marrs enrolled in their first introductory photography class, and discovered the world of portraiture — specifically self-portraiture — and went on to major in Graphic Design at Columbia College with a minor in Photography.

Inspired by artists who “elevated it to a level of fine art,” they turned the lens onto themself. “That was when the light bulb went off,” says Marrs. “Like, Oh! This is how I can communicate. This is how I can express myself. This is how I can let myself be seen.”

In their self-portraits, Marrs shows themself in moments of vulnerability and beauty — crouched over trees in a forest, reaching upward to a dart of lightning in an overcast sky, or out into an expansive vista. In seeing and celebrating themself, Marrs invites and encourages others to see and celebrate themselves, as well.

Finding lightness in the dark

To this day, self-portraiture is Marrs’ way of checking in with themself, creatively and spiritually. Fostering this sense of empathy for themself has necessarily shaped their approach to photographing others, as well, rooted in a sense of courage, purpose, and advocacy for everyone.

On a recent client project with a gym called 360 Mind Body Soul, Marrs was photographing a group of women for a shoot promoting wellness for all body types. But when the difficult news of the Roe vs. Wade ruling broke during the shoot, “It hit me in such a visceral way that I was not expecting,” they said. “I immediately thought, I need to do something, create something out of this moment to share. It became a feeling of, This is a problem. How can I encourage people to come together?”

Marrs was inspired to continue the collaboration with the group of women — to fully embrace and celebrate womanhood as an act of empowerment in the face of adversity — and began photographing them for a series that became “Divine Unity,” portraying a circle of women of color on a beach, leaning and embracing upon one another in solidarity.

“Women have supported me throughout my life, and they’ve always been the ones that have encouraged me to be myself,” says Marrs. “I wanted to return the favor, to show them, I’m here with you. We can get through this together. And that shoot on the beach was one of the most beautiful and emotional days I have experienced.”

Tools of their trade

“I just have so much love for the craft,” says Marrs, who uses a range of tools to create their artworks, and describes their process as an organic one of trial-and-error: “I’ll have an idea. Then it’s a matter of, ‘Let’s go see if I can make it work,’” they say. “And if it doesn’t work, I’ve learned something, how not to do it, and I will try again.”

While they use Photoshop and Adobe Lightroom as their core editing tools, Photoshop has been particularly central to their work. “Photoshop gave me a way to create the fantastical, mystical realms that I saw in my mind and bring them into reality,” Marrs says. “It gave me that sense of wonder, exploration, adventure, and to seek out the surreal aspects that are all around us, but that we might not necessarily see or take in at the moment.”

In some of their self-driven conceptual projects, they will composite several images together, levitating in the air, or add clouds to a backdrop to lend a different mood or setting, using tools such as Masking and Select Subject. Adjusting texture, lighting and brightness can also create a different atmosphere and add dimension, they add, to craft and communicate a distinct emotion. “If you don’t feel something from it,” Marrs says, “then I didn’t do my job.”

Finding community through oneself

“Identity has been at the forefront of my work since I began, because I have been someone who has struggled with my identity for a lifetime,” says Marrs. Sharing those moments of inward self-discovery has been crucial to connecting with others. It’s the simple act of showing up for yourself, they add, that can contribute to this larger feeling of community and belonging.

“It’s extremely important for me to advocate for the LGBTQIA+, Black, Brown, and POC communities so strongly,” Marrs says. “Being a part of it, as someone that is non-binary and worked through years and years of societal conditioning that has happened in the psyche. Unlearning all of that and getting to a place where I am comfortable expressing my femininity, dressing more ‘feminine,’ and wearing makeup and dresses, and just lettering whatever creative energy that wants to come out — I now see how important that is.”

Marrs looks back on their younger self and their entire journey, the struggles and the discomfort along with the joys, with compassion and gratitude. “I’m very much an advocate for love and acceptance. We live in a world that has run off of so much fear, and to combat that, we need to push the love.” Through their own work, Marrs hopes to pass on the messages of love and encouragement that nurtured them: “Keep doing the things that fuel you and ignite your soul.”

To learn more about Christopher Marrs, follow them on Instagram here and here.

Co-authored by Aileen Kwun.